What better time for an update then 4am????

So...
Heather is a bitch (ma boss) I barely get shifts and I had a dream I killed her which was weirdly rewarding.
However I made $75 in tips tonight and I'm going to Ottawa to spend it on useless what-nots.

I'm going to Ottawa tomorrow(today) till Wednesday and I couldn't be happier. I miss Alex like a...well, something you miss a LOT and I'm so excited to get away from this town for a few days.

The eating disorder shit is strange (no shit sherlock) (hey! shut up thats mean!) (stop typing to yourself, you sound like a dumbass) (fine)
As I was saying before I was RUDELY interuppted (bitch) (whore) I'm still having the urges and quite frankly, fighting your head for 5 years straight is slightly exausting but meh, I suppose its all worth it right?

I hung out with Jamie (best friend for two years a few years back) and it was so good to see him, talk, hang out and feel that comfortable with someone even though we hadn't done the best work keeping in contact. He's really happy with his girlfriend and I'm so happy for him, god I love that kid.

I'm recording again, (finally) Rob has a MONTH off and I already have one song done bitches! (woot woot).

I miss Alex and Telle and Kate and when I get back I'm fucking hanging out with the girls gawdammit.

Lent idea: Everyday I'm going to look in the mirror, tell myself I'm beautiful and thank God for creating me exactly how he wanted. I know it sounds corny but you know what? I need it. Plus Kelly thought of it.

I promise to update more, I've been reading everyones posts, I've felt antisociol lately though.

I know many of you don't want to hear this but you know what? It's lj so therefore I'm allowed.

On new years I took a lot of pictures and looking at them, I feel fat. Gross. Huge.
I have as of late felt my body expanding and my skin stretching to limits of unknown pains to the owner. I feel my cheeks flubbering around and the feeling is driving me crazy.

I WANT to lose weight, I'm so sick of saying 'Oh yeah, I love my body blah blah I'm SO happy I've gained weight' because you know what? I'm not.

I don't want to go to a hospital again, I don't want to pass out of crave mustard to unmentionable heights again, I just want to exercise, and lose a few pounds.

I think one of my biggest problems right now is the drinking. I have a least a glass of sine everyday if I don't get drunk. Not only do I need to stop for my body but also me, I crave the stumbling feeling like no other and since I've always known that I have to be careful when it comes to alcholol, I figure it's high time I pay attention.